Hey! It's the Great Darke County Fair time! If you are not from this county in Ohio, google it! Yes, our town (Greenville) nearly shuts down for the fair. Most of us have grown up spending every August dreaming about the fair, saving money for the fair, preparing our animals or crafts or art or cakes for the fair, and finally... finally, on that first Friday, we must go to the fair!
As I've gotten older, most of the year I think, "What is the big, stinkin' deal? Really, now?" And then on Thursday night before the fair opens, I can nearly smell the cotton candy and taste the sausages; I hear the cacophany of sounds unique to this fair and I can see the million lights. So, in spite of myself, I'll go again this year!
But, when I was single...it was a bit painful...

Parenting Blog - Single with Kids

Single parenting is not the ideal, as any truthful single parent will tell you. Single parenting is not just tiring, but exhausting! Single parenting is lonely; single parenting is sad and confusing. There are innumerable daily questions and concerns about the home and kids that couples often resolve together or at least have a mutual interest in. Facing all this as a single parent can feel overwhelming. However, being single with kids is not a reason to hurry into another relationship.

When I divorced after 18 years of marriage and with six children, my first fear (besides where would the next meal come from) was that my children might lose hope in the love of a spouse when they grew up. I always deeply wanted, and still do, that my children recognize the absolute sacredness of the institution of marriage between a man and a woman (yes, I put that in print).

My second fear after divorcing was that my kids would like their dad better than me! True confession! My struggles are just like yours! And although I was mad and tired and lonely, I knew I could not be responsible to my children's wellbeing nor to my own future if I immediately “hooked up.”

For parents who divorce, the negative emotions generated make it difficult to consider the children's welfare above their own pain. However, it is critical to find the self-discipline needed to manage this life change as “the adult.” The children should not have to suffer needlessly by an angry, spiteful parent (although there will be some suffering for everyone involved in a divorce). The children should not have to choose one parent over the other because children NEED both a mom and a dad. On this note, a divorced parent must try to respect the role of the other parent, if not the person. Neither should a child from divorcing parents have to play the parent role by taking care of an emotionally damaged parent. Adding another romantic adult to the mix is fuel to fire.

Rather than desperately looking for another man or woman to take away my pain, I held the pain briefly, that is, I let myself experience it. I respected it as my thermometer for the fire in my life, but, as a believer, I knew it was not the final word about my life. No one can do this alone. I could not do it without God. And, I found that focusing on my children's needs as they journeyed through the divorce helped to drain away some of the negative energy of my own frustrations, sadness and loneliness.

When I teach single parents, I always ask them to name the people in their personal network (or to dream with me in establishing such a network): safe people with whom the parent might discuss parenting goals and challenges; positive people who will offer support in redefining family traditions; fun people with whom the parent can create newness and freshness in the home (new curtains, clean out the cupboards and fill with YOUR favorite foods, etc.). A personal network should also include wise people who might help the parent in reinventing or revitalizing his/her career; healthy people who will influence the family in building good health into everyday routine; and very importantly, godly people who will pray for the family and help bring God’s presence as an anchor into the family's life. Do you have such a network?

Building such relationships takes time. Time – you need it; your kids need it. Time itself does not heal all things, rather time may be the only commodity you have under your own control. And you may spend it to heal all things.

Ephesians 6:1-4, II Corinthians 6:14-18, Luke 17:3-5, Psalm 86:6, Matthew 6:12, I John 1:9, James 5:16

And if you just gotta go to the fair, go with the kids!

Love you,

Mimi